Is Your Dating Life a Mystery or a Puzzle?

I had a revelation about relationships and dating. And it’s something I wanted to share with all my readers of course. I was reading Malcolm Gladwell’s What the Dog Saw. In the book there’s an article about Enron, and he uses this simple concept that created this light bulb in my head. He talks about the difference between a Mystery and a Puzzle, and the reason why it made my head light up because it was a great analogy into why people are having a tough time with their own relationships.

What makes up a Mystery?

A mystery starts off being something to solve. You know there’s supposed to be an end result but you’re reliant on clues to try to solve them. Mysteries are interesting and intoxicating in the sense that as people get more and more clues come to the surface then the mystery will come be solved in a satisfactory manner.

But here lies the paradox of a mystery… a mystery has the potential to be a mystery no matter how many clues you have, and therefore even with an infinite amount of clues, a mystery may stay as a cold case.

But what about a Puzzle?

A puzzle is different. In a way it’s like a mystery, there are scattered pieces, people may have an idea of where to start. But as a puzzle is slowly built, all the pieces will fit together, and the beginning can be frustrating because we may or may not have the whole picture of the puzzle. But as each piece comes together the bigger picture becomes clear and evident. There’s a final ending.

What’s all this have to do with Successful Relationships?

A good percentage of people nowadays thrive on relationships based on a mystery (which is why divorces are so high now). They have all these pieces together, they have these clues, but somehow they can’t put all the clues together to make a relationship work.

The trouble is that they have the clues, but choose not to do anything proactive about it or can never quite link them together. The further they dive into the mystery the more confused they become. And what’s dangerous about living a relationship as a mystery is that there is a high chance of guessing of how the relationship is supposed to be and where it’s supposed to go, instead of knowing with a high certainty of where it actually is.

I’ve known a few people now who jump into relationships and are exclusive with someone too soon. When I start asking the tough questions, it just leads to more questions, and more questions about uncertainty.

Somehow everything will reveal itself and there’s no real solution. A relationship should never be declared exclusive if you feel that it’s a constant mystery trying to be solved. Relationships are not meant to be mysterious. Period.

Even though you have specific areas of your life concretely down, is there a piece that’s missing that prevents it from becoming a successful marriage? Have you talked about the money, about raising children, about what to do if one of you lose your job?

That’s why poor relationships will always be a mystery because those types of questions will always remain unanswered until it’s too late. The big picture never gets solved, because those puzzle pieces are never present, and therefore a relationship will always be a mystery.

But with a puzzle, both of you have a certainty of what the bigger picture is like. Both parties hold puzzle pieces and must work together to ensure that the pieces fit smoothly. Like a puzzle there is a lot of testing out, the puzzle pieces don’t always fit the first time, but with calm and repeated steps you soon find the right piece.

The most difficult part of a puzzle is always the beginning of course. Pieces are scattered, and seem random at first. Relationships all seem to start off that way. Random. Chaotic. But within the chaos comes a pattern.

But as you both work together the solutions become more and more clear as time goes on. People who treat relationships like a puzzle realize that the whole picture will never be solved, but they can see the bigger picture, it’s clear, and they have the patience to fit all the pieces together.

They are willing to look at the financial puzzle piece and talk about it, and see how to make it fit in the bigger picture. When they run into a puzzle piece that says children, they look at the pieces and make them fit through communication and compromise.

In a good relationship as time passes on, there are more and more puzzle pieces that make a relationship work. Both parties know clearly where it’s going, and have discussed the hard issues, and they will always work towards making the whole puzzle become evident.

A poor relationship will always be a mystery. The other person in a relationship will always have to second guess where the relationship is supposed to go, and in the back of their mind they have questions that always seemed to go unanswered. And if you find that your relationship or dating seem to be a constant mystery that always needs solving, you can always contact me to for relationship coaching at vincent@conversationarts.com or call 604 782 0801 for more information.

If you live in the Vancouver Region visit http://www.meetup.com/luvhat

Here are a few signs that you’re relationship is a mystery.
1) You’ve dated for a while, but the same problems come up again and again, and the problems are never resolved.
2) You’re not sure what the future intentions of the person you’re involved with. Most people are pretty clear if they are comfortable staying at their job for the rest of their life. You should find out whether your partner has those long term intentions.
3) The important issues that make a relationship successful are discussed, even if it seems mundane. My girlfriend wants to get a dog, I would like to get a cat, and you bet it’s a serious issue that needs to be addressed. Leaving such things unturned creates a mystery relationship.
4) You make too many assumptions about a relationship with no actions or history to back it up. Thinking that a man will stop his drinking ways after he’s married is too big of an assumption. No evidence to suggest he’s going to stop.

Take a look and ask your relationship, and all future relationships. As time goes on, are the pieces becoming clear, so you feel comfortable in the relationship. Or do keep making assumptions and HOPING the pieces will fit together and somehow solve itself.

Top Five Dating Disasters when Finding the One for 2010 (Part4/4)

What is the Biggest Mistake that people make who are dating who are taking finding someone special in that one special person in there life.
Here goes…. drum roll please.

The Number 1 Top Dating Disaster: Thinking You Don’t Need Help in Dating (even though your results scream otherwise).

I’m going to share with you a personal story of mine. I had major trouble in my dating life up until my mid twenties, I was absolute terrible with asking women out. I had no confidence, and was always anxious. I always figured that relationships were magical, that if I waited patiently that it would all just happen. The movies said they did. The TV shows did. Books and fairy tales wrote about this “magic.” Looking back I felt very ignorant.

So the question came down to, “What was my dating and relationship life like?” IT SUCKED! I had to give myself a real kick in the ass of honesty. A hard one.

(Find out what the Second Dating Disaster is…)

I tried praying and kept believing but none of the praying got me results and results never lied…I had no girlfriend and very very few dates. I felt frustrated, lonely and even at times I just felt hopeless.

I knew I was someone special, I knew I was meant to be with someone out there, my friends assured me that I was a great guy….so why is it that what I felt wasn’t matching up with what my friends told me?

And then I realized after reading several books, that I needed to get some serious help. I needed to do something, even if I were to believe I could win the lottery I would have to go out and buy a ticket at least. Beliefs are beliefs until something is done.

But I didn’t want to just get any help, I didn’t want to read more books that made me feel like I was getting my third major, nor did I want to consult with a professional that would just GIVE advice. That was like an audio recording to me.

I wanted it to be like a real job, with real feedback, in real time. After all if your company mentor was able to see what you were doing live at presentations and meetings he could tell you what to improve upon right after those meetings. The mentor would be able to see things and understand the real environment that you probably would never notice.

And that’s the same with your friends in dating. Most of the time they’re caring people, they don’t want to hurt your feelings so they continue to support the habits that you currently have that are making you single.

They continue to support the beliefs that are holding you back from finding a long term relationship. And most of the time people are too stubborn to try something new, so they keep repeating themselves in the same pattern. The same bad boy boyfriends, the same communication blocks in all their relationships, the fact that they meet lots of people but for some mysterious reason they can’t get involved in a relationship.

And what does this all lead to? A sense of hopeless frustration, when you know you have such a wonderful personality and all you want to do is share it with someone who cares just as much about you.

I couldn’t take it any longer. I couldn’t be one of those frustrated people, I wanted my life to change badly in my core, so I decided to get help that would give me live feedback and understanding of how dating and relationship psychology worked.

I hired myself a dating coach, Dan from Charming Geek, from San Francisco, and it was the BEST confidence booster of my life. He explained to me how to communicate for a deeper connection, and forced me to approach women and how to flirt with them at bars and in bookstores. I had to be coached live and someone who had real life experience approaching people, not just someone who read books. By the end of the weekend I was so exhausted, but my life had transformed. I could feel it on the inside.

A month later, I was talking to women with more confidence. I was getting dates, and when I was ready to stop the dating scene I found woman whom I love very much. And it’s true, a relationship is much harder than dating in all honesty, but more worthwhile.

I know for a fact that having a professional coach helped me changed me dramatically. But I had to realize that if I wanted to find someone special in my life, I had to recognize my shortcomings and work on them. Just remember, you’re results will never lie to you. Only you can lie to yourself about what the truth is.

Love is A Choice.

Please also visit our dating coaching company at Man Meets Woman.com for more details or continue to visit a support group at Luvhat Meetup.

If you are looking for ways to find that special someone, you can contact myself at through e-mail at vincent@conversationarts.com or you can call me at 604 782 0801 for more information on private coaching.

Top Five Dating Disasters When Finding the One in 2010 (Part3/4)

Hi Blog Readers, today we’re going to look at one of the second biggest dating disaster that people make when it comes to dating. That mistake is simple…not going out and meeting people and making connections.

As a person who values connections with others, a great website that has fun, fantastic and interesting dating advice is Date Daily. They have some wonderful authors and can definitely shed some light in the dating and relationship arena. And also I will be featured in the upcoming event Dateology in Vancouver on Jan 31st hosted by Vancouver Dating Coach Ronald Lee of Man Meets Woman.

Dating Disaster 2: Thinking Somehow You’ll Find Someone Special by Doing Nothing.

I get the feeling that people believe that magical committed relationships just happen. That by sitting at home and surfing the net they’ll find their soul mate. While I don’t doubt that a very small portion of users of online dating have had success, most users are quite frankly frustrated and disappointed with the medium.

And the reason is because most people would rather take the short and easier route to finding true love in their life than earning love.

True love comes from going out, meeting people, taking chances, requesting for people to help you, and letting it be known that you are single and looking for good people to date, and taking those chances. Confident, sexy and social people find love.

Do you know how most people find love?

Most people you know have probably found love through their social circle. Somehow it was a friend of a friend at a party or you saw someone at art opening that captured your attention.

Whatever it is, or wherever you are, it’s important to go out and meet new people. I can’t say this enough, you have to make a conscious effort to go out and expand your social circle!

What did I personally do? I set goals to meet people.

I used to go out at least twice a week to purposely meet women and would meet other people just for the sake of meeting new people. It was unfortunate that none of the people I met had the spark and commitment I was searching for.

Then I was able to meet someone special in my life, but it was through meeting a friend of mine (who coincidentally used some of my dating skills I taught to meet a barista who he is now engaged with) whom I met someone who I am deeply connected with. But in order to be able to meet that special someone, I had to prepare to the be the right man for that special woman.

No you can’t sit at home and watch another episode of CSI or 30 Rock. What have these shows done for your dating life, quite frankly what did Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives do?

You might be going, well if it’s going to happen, it will happen no matter what. That’s true love after all right?

Let’s look at it purely from a professional career standpoint. Do you know what the number one way to land a great job? Through networking. 80% of the job market is through people you know. Dating market is through your social circle.

More people land fantastic jobs and fantastic relationships because they network like crazy to get to know quality people. People that are willing to help their career, who are more than happy to help them find jobs if necessary, and sometimes even give them one. How often have you heard someone was able to get to their ideal career as an executive by sitting at home and being anti social?

Good now that the point has been made. Set goals of where to go and what to do and learn. The more people you meet the better your chances are at finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. And not only that, you’ll be more happy, and people who have a strong social network live longer too.

However if you’re one of the people who are going out and finding you’re still having trouble, then the next blog post is one you definitely don’t want to miss out.

Remember, who you love may not be a choice. But Love is a a choice.

For more information you can contact me at vincent@conversationarts.com or phone me in Vancouver at 604 782 0801 for more information or visit Luvhat.

Top 5 Dating Disasters When Finding the One in 2010 (Part 2)

Here’s part 2 of the Top 5 Dating Disasters When Finding the One in 2010.

I am currently in the development of a course with Happy Sexy You to bring a four month course to teach women how to find the one that they are searching for in 2010. This course will involve 32 hours of live coaching and you will work very closely with myself and other professionally trained dating and relationship coaches. I am hoping that these tips will help you find a man that you truly love to be in a committed relationship with.

Now moving on to the top dating disasters….

Dating Disaster 3: Thinking that you don’t Need to be with Someone to be Happy.

What I’m about to write will probably rock your world in dating. I’ve always been fascinated by research and how people are portraying messages about relationships. And even when I was single and out meeting people there were a lot of people that would say “I don’t need a man right now, I’m just happy where I am right now.”

I studied sociology as one of my concentrations at university, and if there is one thing I know it’s that Feminist theory is very complicated and the feminist movement is still in this day and age a very hard movement to pin down. While if you ask people to explain Karl Marx, they’ll give you a pretty definite answer about what Marxism was all about.

The feminist movement has done great wonders for the economic movement of women, but what’s happened now is that it’s causing a lot of confusing and conflicting ideas that are potentially very damaging to men and women wanting to be in relationships, especially when it comes to finding the one.

There are ideas out that a single woman doesn’t need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled in her life. The truth is that you probably don’t NEED most things to be happy. You don’t need money, nor do you need a good job, but I guarantee you that they make a huge difference in the quality of your life. Having a certain amount of money makes your life more comfortable (not necessarily happier) and having a good job definitely contributes to your well being.

Think about this, the people that don’t believe they need money, and don’t believe they need a good job…what is it like in that particular area of their life?

People who say that don’t need money…are they generally the people who are rich or are these people struggling in some way with their finances? People who say that having a good job is not needed or important…how often do these people have a great job that they really enjoy?

Nor am I saying that if you believe you need money that you will somehow become rich. What I am saying is that if you believe you don’t need something, you’re not going to have a lot of it around. That’s guaranteed.

The moment you devalue something in your life or play down the level of importance then that area of your life becomes diminished. However people that strongly believe they need something in their life, without being attached to the outcome, are more likely to get it.

People who believe they need money, will work hard towards getting it. People who believe they need a good job, work on building a great career to build up to their ideal job. And when you believe you need love in your life then love will come to you in a massive way because you will build your life to move towards that direction.

If I ever downplayed the importance of my relationship with my girlfriend, she wouldn’t be around. “Oh honey, you’re not needed in my life, nor are you very important.” She is strong, independent and sure as hell doesn’t need me to financially support her. But she knows she needs love, but she won’t seek love out of desperation , nor does she deny love when it comes seeking her in a genuine way.

To find the one, you need to start having the belief that having someone in your life is very important to your happiness. It will never be the deciding factor, nor will it make you less independent. Choosing the opposite in any form including “do not need a man” will result in a lack of genuine, mutual committed love in your life.

Top 5 Dating Disasters when Finding the One in 2010 (Part 1)

Maybe you felt that dating in 2009 was a bit rough for you, hey even maybe you were like me and you felt that most of the decade was rather a disappointment. But here’s the great news, you’re entering a new year with new hope and ambition to go out and find your Mr. Right! And if that is one of your resolutions then I want to be able to support you in doing that. After all, you do deserve to find your Mr. Right.

That’s excellent, but then comes the obvious problem “How do I find my Mr. Right this year?”

It wasn’t until last year that I met the woman I imagine spending the rest of my life with, whom I am crazy about. She is absolutely fantastic. She is challenging, and yet supportive. She smiles like an angel and professionally has fire inside of her. I tell her I love her every single day I can (don’t expect this from most guys), and most of all she loves me back in a way that only the best poet’s in the world could describe. Yes it’s all mushy, but it’s realistic. We do talk about the hard subjects such as money and so forth.

Now that I’ve found great love in my life, how can I help you find yours? Let’s start off by identifying the top 5 dating disasters to avoid in 2010 when it comes to finding Mr. Right.

Dating Disaster Number 5: A Lack of playfulness, humour, and flirting

Imagine in a world where you would never be playful with your children when you went to the park. Imagine that you were always so serious about everything and you robbed them of a rightful childhood. How healthy would your relationship with your child be in the long run? Now imagine that that child is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. One word: BORING!

Humour and playfulness are essential to the well being of any long term relationship, that’s not even debatable. Couples are happier, they love each other more, it puts them in positive moods and helps prevent and heal sickness and depression. Humour is the miracle drug. If you’re finding that you’re going out on your dates and you always talk about serious topics like how the world is coming to an end because of the economy (which is a huge snooze for most people anyway), then you definitely need a humour makeover.

Being playful also means taking a chance and flirting. Flirting = Romance! When you were with someone you were attracted to, didn’t you feel that spark when he or she flirted with you? You have to be a Flirter, it’s part of the playfulness.

I used to believe that humour, playfulness and flirting were something we were born with, but there are things that you can do to help you develop the comedian in you. Take a comedy course, take improvisation classes, take the time to read books to understand the structure of humour, or hire a conversation coach. Yes humour and flirting do have structures, and when you can have both in your relationship you become deadly attractive like a James Bond Girl.

Dating Disaster Number 4: Not taking the time to Understand the Opposite Sex

Let’s face it, men and women are complicated. That’s just the way it is, women think, communicate, feel, and see things differently than men do. Most of us were raised in different environments where being a boy meant one thing and being a girl meant another. We were treated differently as kids boys received action figures and girls received dolls. But as time has gone on, the roles have blurred, there are women who are carrying a lot of masculine traits, and men carrying a lot of feminine traits. Men are watching too many romance movies that are designed for women, mistaking that as the way to talk to women and attract them. While women are working mostly with men and adapt a male culture, even in their personal relationships. So what results? Confused people about their roles in a loving relationship.

Let me share with you a communication secret for men and women that could change your future relationships forever. Men like respect and to have their ego stroked, they want to feel supported without being belittled. Women liked to be cared for and value the feeling of security. But there are a lot of small intricacies that can help you land the one, but you have to know before you enter a relationship so you’re not completely ambushed.

If I didn’t take the time to understand female/male and I truly believe that I wouldn’t be in the loving relationship that I am in right now. And because I took the time to understand male psychology, I can explain clearly to the woman I love what I want in a way that she understands as well.

In the next blog entry I look at Dating Disaster 3 and 2, so tune in next week for our second part of dating disasters. Don’t miss out as these tips can help you find that Mr. Right in 2010.

Mom was Wrong, Looks do Matter in Dating

Let me share with all of you a personal story from my childhood. When I was growing up I would go to Chinese Restaurants with my family. My older brother of three years used to sit next to me all the time.

There was one time that I remember distinctly that one of the female servers came up and started to chat with my family, we had been attending her restaurant for years, and she looked at my brother who was in his late teens and said (paraphrased) “Your older son is so handsome, look at him.”

I was sitting next to him quietly, and the server never said anything to me. I was quietly devastated. My mom sensing that I was disheartened as teenager going through his adolescence tried to cheer me up and tell me that I too was handsome. But honestly, it’s not the same hearing it from my mom.

The incidents would repeat itself more than two dozen times in different forms. From other servers at restaurants we went to regularly, to family members at wedding receptions and from other friends. I admit, it didn’t bother me too much, because back then, I really didn’t believe that looks mattered that much.

I strongly believed that what mattered was personality and merit. That while my brother was attracting girls with his looks (he’s a really smart guy of course), that I would attract them with by having a great job, and by being the nice guy. (My parents meant well, but dating practices tend to have generational gaps, so the fact that getting a good job didn’t seem to be the deciding factor in attracting women was a big lesson.)

And it wasn’t until my 20’s that I realized how naive I was in the way I was thinking. Looks DO matter! Looking back. They matter a lot in dating and in relationships. And when I did, I shoved my loose hockey jerseys in the closet, and started to notice what looked good on me and what made me comfortable and attractive to women. It made a huge world of a difference afterward, and my dating life tripled easily after that.

Your look is an extension of your personality and your ability to give a wonderful first impression.

When it comes to dating, you want to dress in a way that lures men and women in. This means wearing clothes that fit and are not baggy, clothes that have colour on them, and ensuring that what you wear doesn’t clash.

Hint: Wearing Red, a dress, or even a jacket will attract men much more easier.

Steve Santagati, authour of The Manual gave this wonderful advice to women, which also applies to men. If you are dressing up to impress your female friends, and you’re single, then stop dressing to impress them. Dress to impress men. Men don’t care if your shoes are from Chanel or from Gucci. We want to see something on a woman that makes her look sexy but not slutty.

The same goes for men, are you dressing up for you just to be comfortable, or are you going to look for clothes that are going to attract females? Men can still find clothing that are comfortable and attractive, and trust me you will feel a new sense of confidence when you find the right wardrobe.

But the goal is to attract people in the way that you dress and look, and then you hook them on with your personality. Men will look at women visually and judge her based on how she looks first before we decide to come and approach you for a conversation.

Men don’t go: “Hmm I’ll approach her because I think she has a glowing personality, I can really sense that in her.”

But once you have men approaching you then it’s your job to show them what your personality is made of and show how irresistible you are to potential relationship partners. This can be done through turning point stories, flirting, wit, and even offering small challenges.

This will make him think “Wow, she’s not like the other women I’ve chatted with, I find her very sexy. I have to get her number.”

Men are more fortunate, because women are not as visual as men are, however they do appreciate a man that dresses well. That’s extremely important. And women appreciate a man that will continue to dress well long after the relationship is over. Even in my personal relationship, when I buy clothes I still think of what would impress my girlfriend and make her happy when she sees me.

If you truly believe that dressing for the other person doesn’t matter, then don’t ever wear a professional outfit when going for an interview with a large corporation. After all you’re not there to dress to impress the interviewer right?

Mom meant well, but in my experience, looks matter in the world of dating and maintaining healthy relationships. And if you’re looking for ways to find a great relationship and someone to be truly in love with then feel free to get a free phone consultation with Luvhat Dating Coaching.
You can e-mail Vincent Ng at Vincent@conversationarts.com or
phone 604 782 0801.

For more Fashion Advice check out Pink and Grey by Gio. One of the Best in the entire Image Consulting Industry.

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Single Women: Don’t be in a Relationship with a Nice Guy (Take the Quiz)

We’ve probably all heard both sides of the story ladies. Is it better to date a Bad Boy or a Nice Guy? After all Bad Boys are exciting, they know how create drama and rev up the emotions so that all you can do is keep thinking about him even though you know he’s somewhat of a jerk. However you also noticed that there’s this nice guy who keeps asking you out, he’s got a great job, he’s very polite, and as a matter of fact extremely friendly to almost everyone he knows, but you’re still not attracted to him.

And the worst part of it all ladies, is this- you may date bad boys in your life, and enjoy it, but have a sense of regret later on. BUT when someone does come along who seems great, who will take care of you for the rest of your life, who is a breath of fresh air, you decide that this man is still a better option than what you had before. So you jump on the opportunity before it’s too late.

Knowing truthfully that you’ve just cheated yourself out of the feeling the love that you want to feel for another person. And you know that feeling, you look at him, and you JUSTIFY with restraint in that little voice in your head why you love him. (He does listen and he does buy me things that I like, and he’s nice to my friends). Even though you can hear your heart scream “He’s not right for you!” Isn’t that so?

If you are looking for security, and you are looking for someone to take care of you, who is boring, who is predictable, and will always agree to what you say, then by all means continue to look for a nice guy and be in a relationship with him. But nice guys don’t make good LONG term partners. It’s already hard enough to be in a relationship, but ensuring that the magic of a relationship keeps going is even harder. So if you shouldn’t be dating a nice guy, then who should you be dating to maintain a healthy, loving and caring relationships with.

You’re looking for the nice guy with a razor edge. See, while a bad boy is doing things and only thinks of himself, a nice guy with an edge will think of you but he won’t sacrifice his core values and beliefs just to make you happy.

How do you know if you’re dating a nice guy versus a nice guy with a razor edge.

Here you can take a quiz to find out if you’re dating a “Nice Guy.”

1)Does this guy I’m dating always agree with what I’m saying and does not disagree with any of my opinions?

2)Does this guy I’m dating always ask me where do I want to go and what to do instead of taking charge of our dates?

3)Is this guy afraid and avoids conflict and diverts it somehow?

4)Do we tend to do the same things over and over again and he never makes suggestions to do anything new?

5)Does he tend to say nice things about me all the time, but doesn’t tease me once and give you a bit of a hard time for fun?

6)Has he recently bought me expensive gifts even though I know down deep inside I have not earned it?

7)Is he willing to adjust his schedule all the time to ensure that we meet up for our dates?

8)Is he afraid to tell me when I’m out of line, even though I know it’s my fault?

9)Does he apologize a lot for situations that are not in his control?

10) Does he stand up for his dream and goals even when I’m clearly not supportive of them?

Bonus Question: Does he simply do everything I want him to do because I ask?

If you answered yes to at least 7 of the questions then chances are you’re dating a nice guy and it’s not going to be the great romantic relationship you are looking for.

And here’s why, chances are this guy is a wuss and isn’t going to make you feel secure. On top of that nice guys are generally very manipulative underneath it all, they do what you say in hopes that you will somehow give them what they want. They focus on you and your needs only to truly fulfill their own need.

However a nice guy with a razor edge is different, he believes in himself, he’s confident and will respect you if you respect yourself.

The Razor Edge Guy is willing to be assertive and take charge. He’ll take you to restaurants and plan it out and pick you up, but he won’t keep asking you “What do you want to do” over the phone again and again, he’ll ask once and if you don’t know, he’ll take charge.

He values your opinion and respects it, but he also values his own and has no fear about sharing them but he doesn’t get overly defensive. However if you present your side very well, he’s not afraid to admit change.

He’s the type of person who sticks up for his dreams even if they do seem silly at times because he has ambition and doesn’t want to float around.

He’s the type of guy who will buy you gifts because you have earned the right for gifts because you have earned his affection through your personality. And you’re smitten with him with his personality so the gifts are extra special.

He doesn’t apologize when he knows he’s right, but he’s also the type that will apologize when he is wrong. He’s also the type that will tell you when your misbehaving badly and gently let you know without making you feel embarrassed.

He’s the type of guy that will not tolerate immaturity unless it’s to add to the fun of the relationship. He’s spontaneous and loves to tease you in a gentle way.

He’s willing to hurt your feelings a little if that means it makes you a better person, but he’s not harsh about it. He respects the rules that you have set up if he believes they are reasonable and is willing to compromise.

These are the really difficult guys to find, but they are out there and they make wonderful long term partners.

How do you exactly find these guys? You have to be brutally honest with yourself, are you willing to put the effort and commitment to look for these men to be in your life? Are you prepared to be the right woman for him when he does come along? And if you are, do you know how to communicate in a way that will attract only these types of men?

If you’re interested in learning more about what you can do to attract these men for relationships then feel free to contact Vincent Ng at 604 782 0801 or e-mail me at Vincent@conversationarts.com for some Personal Dating Coaching. The quality of your communication is the quality of your life.

To meet other singles check out http://www.meetup.com/luvhat

You’re About to Discover 4 Conversation Blunders Women Make On Dates

In the last few years I’ve had the privilege of dating, approaching and interviewing thousands of women about their perspectives on dating. And I’ve always found how interesting it is to see that some of the same patterns that come up again and again that leave women in the resort town of Single.

Some professional women I’ve met would naturally attract droves of men, not only because they were good looking but because they had learned to master the art of conversation in almost every aspect.

And some women who weren’t always the most attractive but were able to make almost all the men they talked to feel comfortable and adore them. These women had choice when it came to dating.

These women also understood men and were never afraid to use the power of words to be able to charm a man into madness.

Then there were other women who I would talk to, who I found physically attractive but who weren’t really interesting at all. As time went on in the conversation their physical beauty even dwindled and they just didn’t look so good anymore. Men realize beauty isn’t going to last forever, that’s why we want to know your personality is sexy too.

Sadly single professional women, many of them even years later are making horrible blunders in their conversation that are killing their first dates, and their potential to find someone special in their lives. It’s like making that same mistake in a job that prevents you from getting promoted.

How you act on your first date will set up a precedence on how your future relationship with a person will be like. The cautious will generally date the cautious, and the sexy and adventurous will find the sexy and adventurous. Regardless of what you’ve heard, opposites might attract, but opposites rarely ever last.

So what kind of conversation mistakes can you be making in your romantic life? in this blog entry I look at the “Top 4 Conversation Blunders Professional Women make During Dates.” Noticed carefully I said dates, it doesn’t matter if you’re on date 1 or date 1000. The principles still apply to you.

Mistake 4: You Don’t Have a Great Sense of Humour.

I know it seems obvious, but I run into a lot of women who don’t seem to have a sense of humour. They work all day in an environment that demands pressure. They have to spend the day being serious with clients and other colleagues. It can be tough to be playful at work because it could be seen as unprofessional. And with 8 hours spent at work, it can be hard to find time to dedicating to be funny.

But the great thing is that you can learn to be funny, if humour couldn’t be learned, how would comedians ever get better after being booed off stage.

There are always many ways to make a conversation playful and fun for you and him. And some ways I will guarantee make you more attractive and irresistible. But truthfully ladies, men don’t want to be with a women who can’t make him laugh either. Humour is sexy to us too.

Mistake 3: The Inability to Ask Stimulating Questions What I personally find a huge turn on with women is their ability to ask stimulating questions that get to the heart of who I really am. These are questions that are more than my job, or cliche questions I’ve been asked two thousand times before.

A women who is smart knows how to ask questions that does two things.

1) Gets him to reveal who he really is to you without you being too direct

2)Questions that are smart that make him more attracted to you because he knows you’re not just anybody. You’re intelligent and original with your questions.

Mistake 2: Not having a Turning Point Attraction Story

It’s great that you’re asking questions but you also want the guy to know something about you as well from the date. Learning to tell a story that shows your humanity is extremely attractive. I have personally attracted women, and women have attracted me simply by sharing one story about themselves.

Stories also have a very specific structure that allows for people to be just mesmerized by your presence and to keep thinking about you long after a date. Learn to tell a great story about yourself and it will be a turning point in attracting him.

Mistake 1: Lack of Flirting
Let’s face it, if you’re not going to flirt with us guys on a date, then basically you’re my female friend. That’s right, even though he might find you attractive, you’ve told him a great story, you’re asking questions, you have to be able to flirt with him in a way that says you like him and you are attracted to him.

Of course there are ways to flirt that send the signal of sex and the signal of attraction, both styles are quite different. Make sure you know which one is which, but if you’re not a flirter, then chances are you’re not going to have the successful long term committed relationships you seek.

In the next blog I’ll talk about why purely nice guys make terrible long term partners for any romantic relationship.

For more information on Luvhat Dating Sevices you can contact Vincent Ng at 604 782 0801 or e-mail Vincent@covnersationarts.com

You can also join our singles group in Vancouver at
http://www.meetup.com/luvhat

Why Being You Is the Worst Thing for Dating

When I was back in high school and university I used to keep hearing the same advice when it came to finding love. “Just be Yourself.” Yes I was a sweet guy, I watched all the romance movies and copied them. I listened whole heartedly to all the problems my female friends had, and even the ones I wanted to be more than friends with. I was lonely, frustrated, and honestly looking back at myself back then, I feel like beating my old self up for being such a dork that way. I also carried a certain cologne, an image consultant called Eau De Desperation. He highly suggested I never wear it ever again in life.

As the years passed, I noticed that being myself just wasn’t going to cut it if I was going to go out and attract the best possible girlfriend for myself. Someone so special that life with out her would truly feel empty. I knew, down deep in my heart, I had to change. I had to develop new social skills, face old pains, and I had to understand how attracting the other sex worked. Luck just doesn’t work, luck is like waiting for a phone call to happen for someone to offer you a dream job. Chances are, ain’t gonna happen until you’ve become an executive!

As I started working as a manager I realized that the attitude of “being myself” would never cut it in the professional world, and if I continued to be myself in the professional world, I wouldn’t learn new skills, I wouldn’t have attempted to be a better leader, and I definitely wouldn’t have attempted to be a better listerner and communicator. And do you know where being myself would have truly left me, taking cash and letting cars go through a blocked gate at 3 am in the morning. Yep I would still be doing that after more than a decade if I decided to be myself.

I wanted to move on up in the professional world. That meant I had to change my habits for the better, and get my ass outside the dreaded comfort zone and be willing to new try suggestions. But if I decided not do any of that, then I wouldn’t have anyone to blame but myself for not willing to put the effort to be better professionally. I don’t want to be one of those people that complain about being stuck in the same job and do nothing. And I’m sure you don’t want to be one of those women who complain about dating but really haven’t done anything different.

The way I see it, I think relationships work the same way. You have to make room and aspire to be excellent in the relationship and dating world. Whether you are in a relationship or not, you have to be more , and if you’re going to be too stubborn to change then chances are you’re not going to attract a man who is also working towards excellency. How often do you see male doctors date someone who works as a McDonald’s worker?

Think about it, if you’re too stubborn to change for your job, how long are you going to be at that job for, a year, maybe even 10? And if you do keep it, what are you chances of a promotion if you stick with the old ways. Getting into an excellent relationship requires letting go of the old ways that just aren’t working! Or else they will pop up in your relationship a year or 10 later. Guaranteed!

There are two ways to ultimately change yourself to be able to be more attractive and to find your special someone in your life.

In my next post I’ll talk about why what you say is killing your dating life.

1) Look at what your dating history and your relationships with others you cared about were like. The question is are you aware, and are you willing to take the tiime to deeply commit to this in order to be the best possible dating person. And the truth is that you might need an outside perspective to guide you on this. Ask others about what they thought of your previous relationships or ask for professional help.

2) Change the future, this means taking action, and knowing what actually attracts men. And to do that, you have to be able to think like a man but not act like one. Being yourself is getting you the results you have right now. But being able to add social skills that will attract crowds of men, will be something you’ll be able to keep forever, and create options for the type of men you wish to date, and the ultimately choose one you believe would make the best as your Mr. Right. Be bold and learn skills and ways to attract the right men.

It’s not about being yourself, it’s truly about being your best self every single day of your life. And it’s the best self, that people find absolutely drop dead sexy.

For more information on how you can learn to find someone for a committed and caring relationship visit www.luvhat.ca or contact Vincent Ng at 604 782 0801.

Or if you would like to meet other singles you can visit www.meetup.com/luvhat

Early Valentine’s Speed Dating in Vancouver (Jan 14th) Why Wait?

Vancouver Dating can be tough, make it easier on yourself!

Are you looking for something more than just another speed dating event in Vancouver? What if you learned something that would change your dating life?

You will Discover the Three Deadly Mistakes that Women Make when Finding Mr. Right.

DATE:  Jan 14th, 2010 at 7:30 PM

WHAT: Speed Dating in Vancouver

WHERE:  STARBUCKS 678 DUNSMUIR STREET , VANCOUVER DOWNTOWN (INSIDE GRANVILLE STATION)

AGE FOR MEN: 27-32

AGE FOR WOMEN: 22-32

HOW MANY DATES AND HOW LONG: 11 DATES/ 3 MINS EACH AND ONE FREE DRINK INCLUDED

COSTS: $30 FOR FIRST 5 MEN WHO SIGN UP

$35 AFTER THAT

$20 FOR FIRST FIVE WOMEN WHO SIGN UP

$25 AFTER THAT

Date: Jan 14th, 2010.

The timeline: 7:30-8:00 Top 3 Deadly Mistakes Women Make When Finding Mr. Right

8:00-9:00 Speed Dating Event

Speed Dating Tickets

Women (First 5) $20.00 Men (First 5) $30.00 Women Regular Price $35.00 Men Regulars Price $25.00

Top 3 Reasons why you should come to Early Valentine’s Speed Dating in Vancouver with a Friend.

Reason 3 You don’t meet people that need Liquid Courage to chat with you.

You’re not going to meet people who need alcohol to develop their liquid courage. That means you get to meet people for who they are. With a little bit of alcohol, people can turn into someone different. The good news is that you can still get a complimentary latte or hot beverage.

Reason 2: The Olympics will make this Valentine’s Day a headache to meet singles.

The Olympics are rolling around during February 14th, and unfortunately you’re not going to find a lot of places to look for a date. They’re expecting 60,000 tourist to go through downtown Vancouver every single day. Make it easier on yourself and have fun before Valentine’s Day and then sit back and relax when the Olympics are around.

Reason 1: This speed dating event is about helping you, not just taking your money.

This event is really focussed on you. The small talk that is being offered has given hundreds of women and men insights on dating and has changed the lives of many.
The top three reasons that prevent women from finding Mr Right? They are Inflexibility, Carrying too Much Male Energy, and not understanding the difference between values and characteristics.

While most speed dating companies take your money and do the matching work, we want to ensure that you become a better person before you leave our event and to help you find someone special whether it’s with us or not. We care, it’s that simple.

Don’t Wait! Sign up Now for your seat today before it’s too late. The first five people that sign up get an early bird saver. Remember to bring a friend with you as well. It’s always much easier with a friend.

P.S. 10% of all Net Proceeds will be going to the Heart and Stroke Foundation

Luvhat Dating is Proud to Present Early Bird Valentine’s Speed Dating

If you need to reach us e-mail us at
Vincent@Conversationarts.com or phone 604 782 0801. We also process credit cards over the phone if necessary.